Have you ever felt ignored by your boyfriend? From time to time, you may have felt that he’s not prioritizing you. This is quite frustrating.
This often happens after the initial euphoria of a new relationship settles down. Your boyfriend has always been active in the friends circle and now, he has gone back to be with his friends. This will make you wonder: Why my boyfriend spends more time with friends than me?
This will lead to a lot more questions in your mind. Does he still love you? If he still loves you, why is he acting this way? If he is no longer interested in love, why is he still hanging on to the relationship? Can you do anything to improve the situation and draw him back into the relationship? If you’re unsuccessful at this, what are your options?
In this article, you will find answers to some of the questions listed above. When your boyfriend spends more time with friends than he is with you, it’s time for some introspection, analysis, and action.
What are your options when your boyfriend is ignoring you for his friends?
If you care to understand the situation, things are not as simple as it seems. It’s not black and white. To make it easier for you to understand your boyfriend’s motives, we can consider these two scenarios when your boyfriend spends more time with friends.
Scenario 1: He just likes hanging out with his friends.
Scenario 2: He likes hanging out with you only if his friends are present.
Your response should be different depending on which one of these scenarios is happening. Let’s begin to understand the workings of your boyfriend’s mind.
Scenario 1: He just likes hanging out with his friends
When your relationship started, you spent every available moment in each other’s company. You found it hard to stay away. However, all this has changed now.
He’s no longer interested in your company. To you, it looks as if he’s grabbing every opportunity to be away from you. All the time he is with his friends. This means, despite your best efforts, you aren’t spending time with him as much as you want.
There may be 2 distinct reasons for his behavior.
He thinks you’re boring:
When you met him for the first time and in the days that followed, you were new to each other. The mystery element kept things alive in the relationship. After spending most of the time in each other’s company, you know everything about each other.
Moreover, you felt comfortable doing certain things together and you kept on doing the same thing without bothering to find out more exciting things to do together. This made the relationship monotonous. Monotony can kill the best romance.
He isn’t ready for commitment:
There may be a variety of reasons for this. Maybe he doesn’t want to commit because of his past experiences. Or he doesn’t find you good enough partner material. Maybe he thinks that you’re not suitable for a long-term relationship. Or he may have just lost interest in you or felt disillusioned by you once he got a chance to know you well.
If your boyfriend is not ready for a committed relationship with you, it’s easy for him to lose his way and wander away from you. He will naturally go back to his friends as he finds them more stable and reliable.
How can you respond to this situation?
1) Set boundaries and make clear your priorities
In a situation like this, it’s easy for the boyfriend to take advantage of you. He expects you to abide by his wishes and rules and agree to all his suggestions without a murmur. If you go down this path, you will soon turn into a doormat.
The only choice to resist this tendency is to set your boundaries and priorities. Have a life of your own and don’t wait for him all the time. Don’t allow him to run your life for you. Take charge of your life, decide what you want with it, and follow through with your plans to be independent.
Instead of waiting for him all the time, let him make adjustments so that you can spend some time together. You can also tell him outright that if he doesn’t have time for you, the relationship is not going to last much longer.
2) Keep the channel of communication open
In a situation like this, it’s easy for you to go silent and give him a silent treatment to get the point across to him. Or you may go to the other extreme and fight with him constantly. Both these tactics will backfire on you.
It’s vital to let him know how you feel as a consequence of his behavior. You can ask him why he is behaving this way and how you can improve the situation. Make an effort to understand his viewpoint and figure out a middle path. Remember that nobody wants to waste their time in an unproductive relationship.
3) Ramp up excitement
One of the common reasons for boyfriends to feel disinterested in their girlfriends is the lack of excitement. This can be because of who you are or the monotonous routines you follow.
Find out new activities to do together. Or reveal a side of you that he hasn’t been aware of. As you know your boyfriend well enough by now, invest some time to come up with out-of-the-box ideas. If you’re unable to find anything, get help from his friends and family.
Scenario 2: He likes hanging out with you only if his friends are present
Naturally, you want to spend quality time alone in his company. But the only time he’s with you is when his friends are around. You feel as if your relationship is stagnating and going nowhere.
You cannot be faulted for thinking this way. But you also need to understand things from your boyfriend’s perspective. Again, if you want things to improve, you have to take the initiative.
How can you respond to this situation?
Talk to him: Often trouble brews in a relationship when communication fails. He may be misunderstanding your words or gestures and making assumptions that are not working in your favor.
You also may be misinterpreting certain signals from him. He may not be intentionally ignoring you at all. Or may not have realized how much he is hurting you with such behavior. The only way to dispel confusion and mix-ups is through open dialogue.
Despite your best efforts, things may not work out in the relationship. He may continue to act the same way and prioritize his friends over you. You need to know how to strike a balance between initiating a talk with him and losing self-respect by belittling yourself.
Better part ways with him and find someone who will value you for who you are and want to spend quality time with you.
Ultimately, your boyfriend needs to understand that he cannot treat you like this. While friends have a place in our lives, they cannot be replacements for our partners.
Why do guys tend to ignore their partners?
Logically, it doesn’t make any sense to continue in a relationship if you aren’t spending time with your partner. But some men ignore their girlfriends and prefer spending time with friends. What can be the reason?
Guys, at least some of them, want constant attention from their partners. When you settle down in a relationship with a guy, your attention may go back to other things in life and not be as focused on him and the relationship as in the early days.
Typically, this makes guys act aloof so that you will pay them more attention. Some may even be spending time with friends than with you just to make this point clear to you. All they are seeking is your attention.
Here are some more reasons for a guy to ignore his girlfriend.
It gives him a sense of power
Guys enjoy exercising power over others, especially their partners. When you express your concern and desire for him, he may act irritated but he is actually enjoying it. He perceives this as a sign of love and affection and not as an act to control him.
The downside of this is that this will give him a clear indication of your love for him. Once he is sure of your love, he may bring down his display of affection for you a few notches. He will stop putting in much effort into making you happy or satisfying your whims. You may perceive this as him ignoring you.
What can you do about this?
Take a step back and act normal with him. Don’t overdo your concerned queries and show affection. With this, you are just feeding his ego and thirst for attention.
This may not come naturally to you. Unless you control your urge to molly-coddle him, he is not going to change. In fact, things may get much worse for you if you allow it to continue in the same fashion.
You need to make him see you as an individual with your own needs and desires. Unless you value yourself, he’s not going to treat you with respect. You may even have to say no when he comes up with plans including you without consulting you.
The change may not be visible overnight. You need to be patient and persistent in your efforts. Over time, he will realize that he cannot take you for granted. If he wants to continue in the relationship, he needs to respect you and give you space.
What adjustments should you make to make things better?
You also need to realize that your boyfriend has a life of his own and he has no obligation to spend all the time with you. If you expect him to do this, it’s entirely your problem and not his.
It’s a wrong perception that partners need to spend all the time together for a relationship to be healthy. In fact, many even go so far as to consider the partners as a single entity. This is where some people go wrong.
A healthy relationship is one in which two individuals live together in harmony. Their individuality is not obliterated by the relationship. If this happens in their own free will or if imposed on them, it will lead to unhappiness and strain in the relationship. However, there is no harm in prioritizing each other in their lives. This can be achieved without cutting off ties with their own friends and family.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you need to speak to your boyfriend every day?
There is no such rule that says you need to speak to each other daily for the relationship to remain healthy. Though communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, at times there’s no harm done if you don’t speak every day.
Sometimes, too much communication can be stifling in a relationship. It can take up too much time and energy to maintain the same level of contact. On the other hand, they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Keeping some distance can help at times.
However, if this non-communication phase goes on for too long, it can create other problems in the relationship. The feelings you have for each other tend to diminish and the relationship will slowly wither away.
Who gets priority – girlfriend or friends?
When you are in a relationship, you are investing so much of your time, emotions, and energy in each other. While friends do have a role to play in your life, your partner always should get top priority.
With an understanding partner and communication channels open between you and your partner, ideally, you should not be forced to choose between them and your friends.
Final thoughts
Nowadays, we all talk a lot but our communication skills remain poor. This is causing much trouble between partners. Instead of directly telling you how something is affecting your boyfriend, he prefers to get the point across by acting aloof, remaining silent, or ignoring you. He may think that this is a more effective approach but he will find himself in deeper waters with this approach.
To convey his feelings, he may make use of his friends as well. He may go back to spending time with them just to make you feel ignored. What he fails to understand is how you will perceive his actions. You may take this as a sign of his disinterest in you.
Most probably, all he is seeking is your attention and nothing more. If you value the relationship, you can take the initiative to have an open conversation with him and remove the misconceptions and misinformation.
Remember, you don’t need to spend all your time and give all your attention to your boyfriend. Be your own person and do your thing. He will value it more for it.
